Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
