cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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