I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
