How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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