She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
