now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
