my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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