TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
