I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
