oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
