Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's blow job season.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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