honey bunches of taint.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
