I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
