My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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