Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
