I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
