dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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