Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
FUCK WHALES
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
