someone owes me an orgasm
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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