like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
