I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
