Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize