i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
