I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
