if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
