We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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