whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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