this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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