I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
