I'm going to jail i love you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
