No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
