so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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