What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
