Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
