Cold hands, warm shart.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
