i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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