Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
