I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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