I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
