Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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