I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
