Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
