i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
