I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
