im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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