Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
