I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
no, he came in my armpit
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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