dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
