my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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