You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
