You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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