my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
