What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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