I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
