There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize