Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
