You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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