He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
