is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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