You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize