I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
