I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize