Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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