Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
