I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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