remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
