I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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