You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
