I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
