It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I checked into jail on foursquare
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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