Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
