just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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