You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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