Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
