he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
