just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
