Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
