I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
