My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
