we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
