I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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