he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
