You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
